omg.holy.crap.wtfff.

so i just got mind fucked with the information that Michelle is -insert word-...even after all I've heard i still cant bring myself to speak too badly of her. I'm the bigger person here. and even though i had so many suspicions of them together, i trusted Mark to tell me the truth. and if the information is correct, shes the one who has totally started all this shit. all of this is her fault. "if she cant make you happy i can" wtf is that???? no friend does that. I'm sorry. that's just a bitch right there...guess I'm not the bigger person. i just cannot believe she made Victor feel like all this was his fault. I'm sorry did he push you to try and steal your "best friends" boyfriend. did he tell you to do that...i think not...but w/e. I'm trusting mark with him telling me he doesn't want to be with her but i don't know how I'm gonna recover from this one. this one is worse then all the rest because i trusted her. what ticks me off more though is the fact that she had the balls to fight with me about all this. that she had the face to sit there and deny all this all while trying to steal my boyfriend. is that the true reason she moved up there? probably. and everyone thought i was crazy to think she was rubbing it in my face that she was up there and i wasn't. i guess this proves all of you wrong. i just don't understand why mark is pissed off at me. what did i do? God forbid i inquire on my boyfriend being stolen from right under my nose. but whatever. he has his ways and i know this. i wish him the best of luck in the force and if the timing is right and if he wants to come back to me, it just might happen. its in God's hands now. he is guiding me and he will do what is deserved to those who have lied and hurt others. I'm really hoping this therapist helps me too. it just makes sense right now. he wants me to be positive and no better way then to speak to a therapist who wont judge me, push me when i need to be pushed and be sympathetic when i need her to be. the ideal friend. one who wont try and steal my boyfriend. I'm pretty sure mark and i are over, hopefully he will be happy in the air force and find the life he needs there. with or without me. i will get through this and in the end it will make me nothing but stronger. maybe this is God's way of guiding me in the right direction. maybe tomorrow it will feel like a weight lifted off of my shoulders. who knows. who knows what tomorrow brings. maybe tomorrow will bring me the one I'm meant for. doubtful but anything can happen. all of this hurts now but its meant to. i am meant to feel pain before i can feel pleasure. happiness isn't free and i have learned that from mark. everything comes with a price and there is always gonna be someone there to try and pull you off your high horse. you just have to have faith in the Lord that he will deliver what is coming to those people. but you cant let it break your stride. you cry your razor blade tears, you feel the pain in your heart like you want to fly off the empire state building with no parachute and you wake up one day and get over it. get back on your high horse to the next big event that knocks you down. and you repeat this vicious cycle all your life. this is what i know so far, things change though, but for now, all i can say is whoever is lying in all of this, karma is a bitch. you will get whats coming to you.